Domesticity - September 11, 2014

As published in the White River Current - Thursday September 11, 2014

Anita and I resided in Missouri for most of the first decade of this 21^st century.  During that time period, traffic on the Missouri streets and highways almost doubled as did the speeders and crazy drivers. When that young whippersnapper in that red Miata sports car passed me on the access ramp as I was attempting to enter the four-lane US 65 highway (it is now six lane), I decided “enough is enough.”  We immediately started conversation about moving back to Arkansas.  Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of our return to Calico Rock.  One day last week, Anita and I were having early morning coffee out on the front porch when she began to comment on the traffic in front of our house.  Most of the cars were probably heading to the high school or were hospital employees.  “Look at that one.  She’s going too fast” and “there goes another one; lickety-split!”  I just laughed.  She comes up with those old sayings ever so often.  Such as “well, I swan” or “quicker than you can skin a cat” or “slicker that goose grease.”  I’m not sure where all these sayings come from.  When I was a boy growing up in the Rock House on Red Lane, our family would listen to the radio program, Lum and Abner, every evening at 6:15 PM.  Lum referred to those proverbial expressions as “old Eddard sayings.”  Did you know you can still listen to episodes of Lum and Abner on the internet?  Tune in if you are wanting a good laugh.  I mentioned in an old column that I met Lum (Chet Lauck) at a Lions Club mid-winter conference in Jonesboro years ago.  Anyway, I know that many of you have also heard and used these sayings in your normal conversation.  I was at the grocery store the other day when I bumped my cart into an acquaintance.  “Pardon me, Ray, I wasn’t looking where I was heading.  How are you doing?”  “Pretty good, Reed.  Whatta ya know?”  “Well, I know it takes a big dog to weigh a ton.”  He laughed and came back with the usual reply, “yea, and it takes a big man to kick him off the porch.”  We both nodded and laughed as if neither of us had ever heard this bit of nonsense, then, after a few remarks about the weather, went on about our shopping, both satisfied with the useful conversation that had occurred.  For me, it had reminded me of an old joke:  “A man went before a judge to get his named changed.  ‘What is your name?’ the judge asked.  “Joe Dumbbell.”  The judge replied, “Well, I understand.  What do you want your name changed to?”  “Charlie Dumbbell.  I’m getting tired of hearing ‘Hello, Joe, whatta you know?’”  OK, I thought it was funny.  I do most of the grocery shopping now that Anita has been feeling poorly.  As a matter of fact, I have turned into a pretty fair house husband.  I have always believed that marriage is a joint effort and, since retirement, have tried to increase my part of the household duties. I caught myself singing the other day:  “On the Calico Road, there’s room for just two, no more and no less, just me and just you.  Each burden we’ll bear, each sorrow we’ll share, there’s never a care, while we are both there.”  It’s not easy getting old and some can accept it more gracefully than others.  Perry used to say, “it’s not for sissies.”  I’ve learned to do the laundry (thank goodness for the wash and wear fabrics).  I can run the vacuum and do the  dusting (sort of).  And, in addition to the grocery shopping (I clip coupons) I am doing part of the cooking.  I have tried several recipes that I saw on Facebook and regularly check the websites and apps that offer interesting possibilities for something to soothe the appetite.  So far, I have made a roast (crock pot), a cake (Betty Crocker),  a batch of peanut butter cookies that I made from scratch using a recipe that Dee e-mailed (they were delicious) and some soups and chili that turned out pretty good.  Some of our younger couples, and others, have learned to prepare menus for an entire week and grocery shop for the necessary items on weekends.  I’m not that organized yet but it sounds like a good idea.  Motivation and deciding what to try out are my biggest problems now but I’m making progress.  Some great philosopher once said “You do what you have to do.”  I’ve adopted that as my motto.  So far it seems to be working.  I’ll keep you informed but right now I have run.  I don’t want to burn the beans.